2/5 stars
“Probably one of the greatest superhero movies ever made,” James Gunn, when asked about The Flash. James Gunn…the dude lied. Let’s go through the whys on why The Flash is in fact not “one of the greatest superhero movies ever made” and is somewhere in the middle. Above DC and Marvel’s worst movies, but way below their best, and even below most of Marvels mediocre movies.
The Flash opens with CGI babies falling out of a building and the Flash saving them in a weird comedy bit. He throws one in a microwave. The audience gets that this is supposed to be funny because, “Hey, microwaves are for cooking things! He’s not going to cook that baby though, he’s saving it! Isn’t this so funny! Hahahaha! A baby in a Microwave!”
There’s a lot of dumb humor like that throughout the movie that just doesn’t land. A lot of pausing the forward momentum of the story, and action scenes to discuss “the science” of being the Flash to his younger self. They’re in the middle of a big battle trying to save their friends, Batman and Super-Woman, and they stop fighting so Older Flash can tell Younger Flash to “complete the circuit” so he can shoot lightning from his fingers. This takes a good 15 seconds to explain, killing the kinetic energy that was supposed to be happening in a movie about a guy who runs faster than the speed of light.
Putting aside Ezra Miller’s toxicity in the real world, in the movie, he doesn’t fit the part. He’s not charismatic, he’s not funny, and just comes off grating the whole time. It gets even worse when a second version of himself shows up and then never leaves.
Luckily Michael Keaton is back as Batman. Most of this is great. The only bit that wasn’t great was his introduction (there’s more of that weird middle school humor here on display). Keaton shows up in one flip flop, and he ends on top of Miller with his crotch over Miller’s face. Miller makes some middle school level joke about it. Haha, Batman-penis-in-face-funny hahaha!
All the Batman iconography is great. We get a couple scenes of Tim Burton’s Batmobile sitting in the cave, collecting dust (it never gets fired up…but we get to look at Younger Flash sleep in it, hahaha!), we get lots of Batman symbol shaped things doing cool things (lots of Bat-kites floating in storms, Batplanes sitting over the moon, Batarangs knocking people out…you know, important cool Batman shit). We get Keaton repeating three of his iconic one-liners from 1989’s Batman, which was oddly satisfying, because I too am still a small child trapped inside this man body. Damn you corporate America for understanding this!
Keaton does a good job with the character. He’s not phoning it in. He seems to get the character, and brings a gravitas to the movie that it other wise doesn’t have and probably doesn’t deserve. His lines and character seem better written than the Flash’s. I wonder if that’s because Keaton is just that much of a better actor, or if he helped workshop his lines and character (I would believe either one, or both).
Super-Woman is also awesome. Her character is interesting, and her performance is good. You believe that this woman really was being held in a secret government cell underground, and she’s now freed and ready to murder some people.
But, sadly, those two characters are not the main character. The Flash is, and he’s miscast, so he’s either annoying, or just “off.” He’s not funny. And the characters who interact with him also come of weird too. His roommates, the guy who makes his sandwich. All these characters seem to borrow the weird humor and misfiring that happened in that opening baby scene, and all the scenes Miller’s in where he isn’t talking to Batman, Super-Woman, or his mom (the mom scenes also work).
It’s just a weird hot mess. And I haven’t even complained about the CGI (it’s not great. The stuff in “the speed force” where he sees rubbery-looking versions of Christopher Reeve, Nic Cage Superman, etc. It all looks bad). To me, the CGI was the least of this movies problems. The script doesn’t even work. The lead duel performances don’t work. Without that you don’t have a movie that works.
2/5 stars.