Fixing Stuff

For awhile now, I’ve had a weird side hobby. It started out as a necessity. Watching YouTube videos of how to fix random things that broke on my car. See, I’ve always not been rich (I’d say “poor,” but I feel like that’s thrown around a lot by people from somewhat far ranging incomes…though, we might all look the same to rich people, there is a noticeable difference when you add or subtract 10,000 dollars from an income) so I’ve had to get around that by doing things myself instead of hiring people. So, back when I lived my life in apartments and worked at Walmart to pay the bills, I had to look up how to fix the constant various issues my 2002 Volkswagen Jetta had. Man, that think was a shitty car. Nothing but problems. But, I always found a way to fix them. The most bad ass repair I did on that one was the alternator (with the help of my friend…thanks for doing that solid with me, David). We did it in the parking lot, at night, with a crowbar to release the serpentine belt.

Well, anyways, I’m still not rich, so the fixing continues. I traded the Jetta in for a Honda CRV, which my wife drives, and I drive a 2003 Pontiac Grand Am. This car is also a load of problems (it’s old), but they’re at least normal problems (the Jetta always had weird shit break) and the parts are normal prices instead of German prices. There’s a video for pretty much everything that needs replaced or maintained on it, and if there’s not you can find a detailed forum. I often find myself looking up the basics too. My google history has things like, “Where are the jack points on a 2003 Pontiac Grand Am?” “Should my jack move while jacking up the car?” things like that. But, once you’ve done it so many times in a year, some of it starts to become second nature.

I feel like I’ve gotten pretty decent at repairing my own car. It’s not that difficult if you follow the directions and have the right tools. And the nicer the tools are, the easier the job is (I’m actually pretty excited to use the Daytona Jack I just purchased from Harbor Freight a couple weeks ago). But, now that I’m a home owner, there are a whole new myriad of things I have to repair or fork over large amounts of cash to have repaired. Again, still not rich, so my home is older (built in the late ‘80s) and the previous rotating in and out owners (since this thing was built there’s been like 5 people who came and went, and most didn’t stay long) didn’t take care of anything. I’ve had to replace siding (a LOT of rotting siding), patch up the siding I didn’t replace, painted the whole house, sanded and re-painted the deck, rebuilt the deck stairs, graded the lawn to stop basement flooding, patched up a huge crack in the basement wall, replaced all the windows, installed an escape ladder in the basement, installed a heavy duty custom fit egress cover, put up a new mailbox, replaced light fixtures, installed a shop light in the garage, replaced all the light bulbs with LEDs, cleaned the gutters for the first time in god-knows-when, on top of all the probably normal things (painting the interior, etc.). And as I research more and more on certain upgrades, I’m starting to realize that there are certain things I’m probably just never going to be great at, and instead of trying to learn how to do everything, I should probably stay more in my lane and focus on becoming a master at those.

So, by this I mean I’ve been looking at extending my driveway. Currently, I have a one car driveway, but I have two cars (also, it’s a one car garage, but that is what it is). I started off parking my car in the street (my wife’s car goes in the garage), but it’s a culdasac, so that’s really inconvenient for the neighbors and the mailman. I parked it in the yard one weekend when we had visitors to make more room, and since that weekend, I’ve been parking in the grass ever since. Parking right up next to your house, getting out of the car and walking inside the place you live makes you feel like a damn king. But, when the grass dies and the rain comes you feel less like a king, and back to the lowly peasant that you are. Which is why I want to extend the driveway, and get myself back up to king status (mud on the shoes, or the various things I do to avoid getting mud on my shoes while still parking on the grass is, as my mother would say, “for the birds”). But, the basic thing everyone tells you to do (lay rocks) just doesn’t appeal to me. Call me bougie, but I want some damn concrete underfoot. Putting aside my obviously poor-man bougieness, rocks also need maintenance. They get washed out with rain, grass/weeds grow in them, and the whole thing just gives me a headache as I think about all the fixing these things are going to need. It’s like building a wooden deck instead of one made of concrete or rock. It’s just a lifetime of maintenance, and that’s not even mentioning that extending the driveway withe rocks does nothing for your home’s value, while adding a permanent structure (concrete driveway) does add value. That’s been a big thing we’ve been focusing on since living here. Big purchases that improve our quality of life, but also improve the value of the home (the energy efficient windows, the egress cover). So, those are the reasons I want to go concrete. Paying a guy to do it is $2,800, and that’s not even the whole length extended, that’s like 55-60 percent extension. So, I started watching videos on doing an asphalt driveway yourself. Pain in the ass, but doable. And a lot cheaper (asphalt also adds value as it’s considered permanent, unlike rocks) than paying a guy to do a concrete extension. That led to texting some friends, and one (who has been a concrete foreman amongst many other things) said he and I could do concrete and it would be easier than asphalt, and possibly cheaper. I was sold. I did zero research on it, and started planning on how I was going to get the money (I assumed I’d need at least half, so 1,400) and when to schedule it (summer time, when I’m off and the weather is nice). Tonight I watched some concrete driveway videos, and while it does look doable, it also looks like a huge pain in the ass that would leave me cursing and bitching possibly the entire time. I have a very long driveway, so watching these professionals dig a six inch deep driveway (by 8 feet long) for a driveway that was not even half as long as mine in FOUR HOURS tells me it’s going to be a huge bitch for me. So, first of all, whenever I watch a video of a repair, you can just multiple however long it took them buy three and you’ll land close to how long it’s going to take me. I usually screw up somehow, or the things I’m working on are old/rusted, or break. So then a whole new problem is created that I have to figure out how to solve before going back into the original repair. It almost happens without fail on any major project. So, this driveway issue, after watching several of them, it’s pretty clear to me that working well with concrete is really a craft that not everyone is going to be able to do well. Yes, there’s steps you follow, but if I’m doing it, I’m slipping up here and there, and then I’m going to find out how well it stands up when you forget to do X thing when laying it, or digging the hole, or adding the mesh and/or framing. I mean, it seems so deceptively simple (dig a hole, pour concrete), but there are of course more steps than just that, and even those steps require other micro-steps. Eh, maybe I should pay the guy the $2800, or listen to everyone who’s not me and throw down some rocks for a couple hundred? Either way, there’s comfort in knowing that I don’t have to be able to do it all, and that sometimes it’s worth it to let the people who do a thing best do that thing for you.

We Meet Again

Hello, blog, and possible readers and writers. I’ve been off doing all those grownup things that people tell you get in the way of X Thing (you know, it’s just hard to believe till you see it…and now I’m seeing it!) , and haven’t been hitting my writing goals. Instead I’ve been kind of dragging along. Staying up too late playing video games with friends, waking up very early to get ready for work. Being a parent from work’s end until bed time or video game time. I’ve been trying to slice how to get back to creating what I like creating, and also deciding if it’s really what I want to do. It’s been an interesting run.

I’ve written my whole life. Since I was a little kid. I used to find those mass produced pens lying around the house and write out stories while my parents (or my friends’ parents) watched TV. I think it was 4th grade when I really found that I loved making up fiction. It was fun to make stuff up. To create a mood within the text (whether that be comical, satirical, scary, or thrilling). One of the funnest aspects of it was sharing with friends. When I first started I took my friends and I and I put us in stories. My first series was a Sliders knock off called Slippers. The heroes (me and my friends) “slipped” into alternate dimensions (same planet, different dimension) where all sorts of comedic hilarity and thrilling adventures took place. There was a lot of 4th wall breaking back in those days, a lot of omniscient storytelling, but I dare say it mostly worked because it was written for fun with the audience of my friends in mind.

And I think in there lies my dilemma I’ve been feeling of late. The comment I mentioned in the first paragraph, the one about not knowing if writing is something I want to continue, I think goes back to the idea of an audience. Well, at least part of it goes to that. Writing, it can be be hard work. Let me start with where my craft took a turn—and the amount of hours I spent editing increased immensely—and then I’ll get back to this audience idea, and tie it all back up into my anecdote about writing as a child (stick with me here).

So, the moment that really kicked me in the balls as a writer, was when I had just finished something that I knew was really good, that I was extremely proud of, and I had published it, I had made some money off it, and now I had gotten my first review, and it called me equal parts amazing and disappointing in one breath. Here’s the review:

So, I at first didn’t believe him. I had paid an editor (a guy who’d been advertised in this very popular self-publishing book) quite a bit of money to edit Bad Dreams for me. And the editor made a lot of corrections, so I dismissed this for awhile. But then I submitted it to a Goodreads reviewing group and got more of the same sorts of reviews (great story, needs editing). So, I had one of my writing buddies look at it, and he found a TON of things that had been missed by the editor I had hired (for a pretty penny). So, after that, I decided to focus a many more hours on editing all my future works. Everything post Bad Dreams (that is my entire catalog minus Skeletons and the first Dick and Henry, which in both cases I went back and re-edited) has had extensive edits and rewrites.

Now, carry this sort of work ethic five or so novels later (many of which no one’s seen but my writing buddies or my word processor) and finding the will power to sit down and do it has been tough. Not because I’m lazy (though, it looks like that on the surface), but because I’m extremely demoralized. Take my current book I’ve been editing for several months now, MOON. This was written at first as sort of an f-you to writing. I had written Sunborn, Phidelphius, Dick and Henry and the Temporary Detective, and Lady Luck, at this point, (as well as another unpublished novel), and all of them had needed extensive edits. My buddies would tell me the same sorts of things when I turned in my first draft to them, “Cool ideas. But what does your character want? What’s their goal?” So, I had to go back, and figure that out, each time. I’d listened to all the advice everyone gives about pushing through till you had a finished manuscript, even if it was garbage, it was still finished. So, I did that. I finished the manuscripts and started out with mediocrity and then I had to mold them into something better, and then better again, and then again. At this point I’ve lost track of how many drafts I’ve done of MOON. It’s multi-POV, so sometimes I focus on one character’s POV and then go back and do the other one. Sometimes I try to edit a draft and do it chronologically, editing the way the reader will read it. Each time it gets a little bit better, but each time I also notice new flaws that need correcting (structural flaws that take more time, and more writing, to fix).

And, all of this goes back to the audience thing. I do all of this work. Put in all those man hours, and then, often, there’s silence. Popular self-publishing bloggers would write in their blogs that you need to just keep writing, and not focus on the reviews (or the downloads…), but every artist wants an audience. That’s half the point of creating the art. The other half is what I talked about enjoying since I was a kid, and that’s the fun you get from creating it. But there’s also a lot of sweat that goes into these things, and it helps keep you energized for the next one when someone tells you, “Hey, kid, you’re doing all right. This thing you made here, it’s real good, kid. Real good.”

That’s all I want. Just 1960s Clint Eastwood to walk up to me, tip his hat, and give me a wink. Is that really so much to ask?

But, I think, to circle back to what became the point of this post, I’ve decided to keep going. To not drag the files of my unedited manuscripts into the trashcan, and then rush out and buy the Xbox 4 X (so many teraflops…), and the reason isn’t the thing I’ve been complaining about (the audience), but for me. I want to keep going for me. I enjoy the act of writing. Whether it’s on a keyboard or with pen and paper (not big on pencils. Even if they’re Blackwing). I also enjoy finishing a project. Creating something that’s now part of the pantheon of stories. To me that’s one of the best parts. There’s potential that sometime after I’m gone, somebody finds a copy of (the now RE-EDITED) Bad Dreams and decides it’s one of their favorite stories, and who is this Kenneth Buff guy anyways? He got anything else?

So, I guess that too could be why too. How else is there going to be “anything else?”

The Endless: An Ending Theory

So, I just finished Justin Benson and Aaron Moorehead’s The Endless (on Netflix) last night. And I’ve been googling theories and questions I’ve had since.

I’ve read some pretty good ones. Some not so good ones (people seem to think Aaron and Justin made it to the real world because the directors said in one interview it was a “happy ending,” but they clearly say in others the answer to whether they’re in a loop or not is in the movie—which essentially tells you that they are and you need to find the clues!)

But there’s one thing I noticed, that bugged me when I watched the movie, that no one has talked about. So here goes: what’s with all the dated technology? I get for the people trapped in the loop, they’ve got whatever came in with them, right? Mike and Chris have a lap top (I assume they brought that in with them in Resolution, which I haven’t seen yet), that weird shed has all sorts of old equipment the Craft Beer guy’s been collecting over the years, but, what about the mini VHS tapes? And what about Aaron’s flip phone?

So, this movie was made in 2017. Yeah, the argument can be made he has a flip phone because they’re so poor they can’t afford Smart Phones, but that’s a pretty weak argument. Nobody has flip phones anymore. Not even poor people. They also have a tube TV where they plug in the $20 camcorder Aaron bought from that garage sale (that garage sale scene felt really weird to me too…do you know how lucky you’d have to be to find a garage sale with old camcorders in it? They don’t even make these things anymore…and hardly anyone was ever into them). How many people still have a functioning tube TV? It’s even one of those VHS DVD combos. I’d have to go out of my way to buy it off Ebay for $200 bucks. When I could go to Amazon and get a refurbished 20’’ LED Vizio for $119. Now, the directors put a lot of work into this movie thinking out all the little references and how the loops work, etc. I find it hard to believe they were just lazy for the first 15 minutes of the movie and didn’t bother to show what modern day poor looks like. (I also found it hard to believe they couldn’t do better than Raman noodles in 10 years, but that’s a different thought).

So, the only way this makes sense (to me, anways), is if this isn’t really 2017. It’s earlier than that. Back when this dated tech was more common, and Aaron and Justin have been making this pilgrimage back there and back again over and over for awhile now. That’s why everyone recognizes them when they come back, even though it’s been 10 years, and they look different (Justin’s hair is shaved, so he looks much different). They do this a lot, so everyone recognizes them. They may even do it pretty frequently. They probably have a shorter loop then the death cult does.

But, what about when they get out? How come Justin’s hair is still short? My thoughts on that are that the stuff we see in the beginning are not from the loop. That’s the story of how they got here in the first place. When they’re in the car, that’s the loop. That said, this theory really doesn’t work with Aaron driving at the end, unless they switch at some point off screen after the movie ends to start the loop over.

Problems with the theory: All the characters outside of Arcadia seem to be meeting Justin and Aaron for the first time. So, unless this is the very first time the loop is going (makes my argument about dated technology not work) all these characters should recognize Justin and Aaron.

Random Questions:

1. How do they get their beer out of the loop? The Cult Leader seemed genuinely pissed that Justin went and told the real world they’re a cult, because it cost them beer sales, and that’s “their livelihood”). So, how do they get the beer out? What would they even do with the money?

2. What’s up with Anna having the hots for Aaron when he was a kid?

3. Why does the painting they made their mom still look new?

4. How did their mom die?

5. What happened to their dad? He’s never mentioned.

A Little On Editing

I’ve been doing a lot of editing lately, and have had a few thoughts I’d like to share below for writers:

1. Don’t use “So-and-so did [insert action] as [blank] happened.” It’s kind of hard to see what I’m saying without an example, so here’s an example:

   John buried his exposed hand deep inside his suit, and grinned as the Duchess walked right up to him.

   So, this sentence is already really long, and then you add another sentence to it with the word “as.” Don’t do it. Cut the word “as” and use a period. Have everything after “as” be it’s own sentence.

   I used to make this mistake a lot in my first drafts. It sounds clunky. It sounds amateurish. The reason it sounds that way is because it is. The reason I know it is brings me to point number two of this list.

2. Read books. This should be pretty self-explanatory, but you’d be surprised how many people want (or do) write books without actually reading any. So, the reasons you need to read books before writing your own is the same reason movie directors have to watch movies before ever making their own. Or why anyone who does anything well studied their area of expertise before jumping in.

   Reading books will show you what to do and what not to do. Yes, you can break the rules here and there for stylistic reasons, but you have to know what the rules are. Because if you break them constantly without reason, it won’t work. Read books so you can see how other authors write. Even writers who have completely different styles will be following a lot of the same unwritten rules. Those are the rules you need to be following if you want people to read your stuff.

3. Don’t use “started” or “began.” Examples would be:

   He started down the hall.

   Kim began singing a song.

   I too used to use this one, before I knew better. Just have them do the action. So, sentence one should read: He walked down the hall. In that sentence, started is filling in for a real verb. Started doesn’t even mean anything here, we have to think too much for a simple action. Save the reader’s thinking for more interesting things (let them use inferencing for character motives, and for incoming plot twists that you’ve cleverly sprinkled foreshadowing of!).

   In sentence two change it to: Kim sang a song. You might be thinking, “Kenneth, that’s just too simple of a sentence now. It’s downright boring now!” Well, fellow writer, it is boring isn’t it. That’s fine. It’s a simple action, so it gets a simple sentence. Having the word began in there didn’t make it anymore interesting, just longer. If you want to talk about how beautiful (or not beautiful) her singing is, that’s when the sentence will get interesting. Or, maybe this sentence is interesting given context (maybe the world is burning around our characters, and Kim decides to sing a song).

4. Don’t use “flashed.” Examples would be:

   She flashed him a dirty look.

   His eyes flashed at her.

   The vampire flashed in front of him.

   Do these sentence sound corny to you? Hopefully they do. If not, let me explain why they are. They don’t really mean anything. When, in real life, does anyone use flashed as a verb to describe anything but a flash of light? Even the framing of these sentences is boring. To replace these sentences with verbs doesn’t make them sound that much better (they do sound better, but not that much):

   She gave him a dirty look.

   His eyes glared at her.

   The vampire appeared in front of him.

   Instead, rewrite the sentences so that they’re more interesting, instead of trying to prop them up with a fake verb. Here are the sentences slightly rewritten with verbs:

   She scowled at Mike.

   Mike glared at her.

   Well, that last one actually sounds good enough, so I didn’t bother rewriting it again (though, you could!). It all depends on context if a somewhat boring sentence will work. But you can’t have your manuscript filled with boring sentences that are propped up by fake verbs. I’m sure there are lots of other fake-verbs people use besides flashed, but it’s one I’ve seen a lot, so I included it in this list.

Well, that’s pretty much it for now. This isn’t a definitive list, obviously. Just a few pointers I think can be helpful. Of course any rule can be broken (except number two. You’ve gotta read books if you’re going to write them), but make sure you know you’re breaking it, otherwise you’re probably going to have a hard time getting anyone interested in reading your book.

Writing Dreams

I’ve been doing a lot more daydreaming about writing then actual writing lately. Schools have been closed down here in Kansas due to COVID, so I’ve been working on creating an online classroom, doing paperwork, and taking care of my own children. But, with the time in between all that, I’ve been dreaming about the stories I’ve had brewing in my head. The next chapters in my series(es). As some of you probably noticed, Dick and Henry III is out on Amazon now. It’s a novella that I planned to be the first of many in a new collection. The next story in this planned collection is titled THE DOUBLE. It’s not written yet, but a lot of it exists in my mind. And it only gets better the more I think about it. My only fear is that I’ll forget the good juicy stuff before I have time to sit down and write it. And I’m afraid if I sit down and write the juicy stuff on a notecard all my motivation to want to write it will vanish. Double edged sword, my friends.

As far as Sunborn III, I’ve had that story in my head for years. It’s gotten better the more I’ve thought about it too, and I’ve definitely forgotten planned story arcs for that one as the years have gone by, and replaced those lost ideas with new ones. I’ve recently gotten more excited about that one. I’ve been putting off writing the sequel for years now. I think it’s almost time to do it. And when I do, I’m excited to hire Maciej Wojtala for the cover art one last time for something special.

Currently, I’ve been working on editing a science fiction novel titled MOON. It’s a post-apocalyptic sci-fi that I’m trying to trim down and spunk up. Hope to have it polished and ready by the summer.

And before I end here, I should also say my newest short story, WINGS has just been released on Amazon. Go check it out if you haven’t already.

A Conversation With the President: A Short Story

This is a story I wrote two years ago, back when things were a little less crazy on Pennsylvania Avenue. I thought about developing the story further, as the idea is interesting, but ultimately never did as the subject is a depressing one, even when wrapped in fantasy.

Well, without further ado, here’s the story. (Cover and all).

A Conversation With the President

by Kenneth Buff

"For those just tuning in, today I'm speaking with the President of the United States. How are you doing today, Mr. President?"

"I'm doing quite well, Terry. How are you?" the president says.

"I'm doing well, thank you." Terry clears her throat. "So, I was told by your news press secretary I heart-Huckabee-Scaramucci-Spicey that you were here to discuss something they called a 'recent change of heart.' Could you explain what I heart-Huckabee-Scaramucci-Spicey meant by that?"

The president smiles. "I've decided to give up the character."

"Give up the character?"

"Yes."

"Oh...What do you mean by that?"

The president laughs. "This is why I wanted to come here first, Terry. You're a national treasure, I hope you know that. Colbert, Stewart, all those other guys, they don't hold a candle to you. I can already hear the late night jokes. 'Trump goes on national radio to tell the world he has no character,' but that's actually the opposite of what I'm doing. I'm hear to tell you that this whole thing has been a lie."

Terry dips her head. "It's been fake news?"

"In a way, yes. My whole presidency has. My whole life in fact. It all started when I was a boy. Growing up rich, having everything, it...it gets boring. The world at your finger tips. I wanted to know that I was capable of more than just telling the minders my father hired to raise me what to do. I wanted to know if I had any raw talent."

"So you went into real estate? 

"I did, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the lie, Terry. The character. It was born out of boredom. Born out of a desire to prove my worth, if only to myself."

"There's that word again, 'character.' Could you define what it is you mean by that, Mr. President?"

The president takes a deep breath. "That's why I'm here. I'm here to tell you, Terry, and the American people, that the Donald Trump they've come to know and love and hate, is not the man that I am. He's a character. A fabrication. And I fear that I've done such a good job at playing him that I've played the whole country for a fool. And lost my soul in the process."

There is a long silence. Then Terry says, "Mmmhmmm...let me get this straight, Mr. President. You're saying that the man we've seen on television and Twitter for the last 40 years isn't the same man that's sitting before me?"

"He's a creation of my imagination. I guess that makes me sound crazy, but not any crazier than the actions I've done as the character Donald J. Trump." He laughs awkwardly. "It's amazing to me that anyone would believe it. The insults, the anger, the unbridled hypocrisy, how could any man be that pitiful and un-selfaware?"

"So, Mr. President--you're saying all your actions as president, and your public appearances before, have been nothing more than elaborate theater?"

"That's a good way to put it. Growing up in New York, I knew people that lived secret lives. They were mostly gay, some were sociopaths. Lots of rich people are. Not sure if that's a causation or a correlation, but I knew that these secret lives interested me. Being one person with people you trusted, and another with the public. It was like being Clark Kent and Superman. Only when I finally decided to throw caution to the wind, and just do it, I decided to go the other way. To be as bombastic and inappropriately off the cuff as I could. As time went on the 'off the cuff' attitude turned to poison, as I think you're probably comfortable enough to admit now, Terry. None of what I did as this guy was good."

Another long pause. "Have you ever told anyone this? Were you this way with your family, the character, or were you yourself?"

"Very few people know the real me. I took this very seriously. Really the only people still alive who know the truth are my family with Mona, and my brother Robert."

"You're family with Mona?"

"Oh, yes. The supermodel thing was only for Donald J. Trump. John, the name that I go by, has a real family with Mona Terinsky. She's from New Jersey. We have a home together out in the country. She's kept me sane all these years."

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse my confusion, are you saying Mr. President that you have a secret family?"

The president nods. "It's only a secret to the public. All the Trump children know as do Donald J. Trump's ex-wives, and Melania knows."

"So they know that your bizarre behavior is an act?"

"Not the Trumps. To them, this is the real me. That's how elaborate and deep this all went." He sighs. "I never meant for it to get this twisted. I just wanted an exercise for my mind, for my skills that my father wouldn't let me practice."

"Acting skills?"

"Yes. I wanted to be on Broadway, but instead I sold apartments off it. That wasn't the life I wanted, but it was the one handed to me. And at a certain point it was too late to turn back, but it wasn't too late to be someone else. That's where my Clark Kent came in. Or, my Joker really."

"There have been internet memes depicting you as Heath Ledger's Joker. One of the most famous ones was on the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. We have a clip of it here."

"David, I know you're a sophisticated guy. The world is a mess. The world is as angry as it gets. What? You think this is going to cause a little more anger? The world is an angry place."

"That was your voice, speaking about Russian Prime Minister Putin, equating his policies to that of the United State's. What do you think of that clip?" Terry asks.

"I'm ashamed. I really am."

"I have another one I want to play. This one is probably your most famous quote."

"Yeah that's her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful--I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything."

"Whatever you want."

"Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."

"Locker room talk?" Terry asks.

The president shakes his head. "I did a lot of bad things as this guy. It almost became like a disease. I did it for so long that I actually would forget that it wasn't real. That this was a creation of my own. At times Robert would be my only lifeline to the real world. Until I met Mona in 2012, I had no one to keep me grounded."

"The allegations against you, Mr. President. 17 women alleged to have been sexually violated by you. You've said that these women were lying. That they were trying to hurt your campaign. What do you have to say about them now?"

He leans forward his hands wiping at his eyes. "He was a monster. I was a monster. All of it's true. I've read the accounts, and some of them read milder than how they actually were. Some of it would qualify as rape, I'm sure."

Terry takes a deep breath. "Why did you decide to come forward with this now?"

"Being this way, this unnatural way, is a huge burden. It weights on you until you no longer feel like you can move. It's turned me into a insomniac. Some would say a sociopath. My character certainly was. Donald J. Trump was. I don't know about John. I'm trying to give him room to breath."

"Why didn't you stop sooner? If all this was an act, Mr. President, and if it was such a burden for you, why did you keep going? No one was forcing you to act this way."

"I honestly don't know. I think at a certain point the Donald just took over. To act like him became comfortable, not in the sense of emotional comfort, but in a physical way. The behavior became who I was with anyone who wasn't one of my brothers."

"Your older brother, Frank, who died in the '80s. He was also aware of this difference in your personality?"

"In my character, not my personality. But no, Frank wasn't alive long enough to see it really take hold of me. He died in '81, but he knew I was playing around with different voices when I was alone. He knew I wanted to be someone else, and I talked to him about those feelings a lot."

"So, if all of this was, as you said, a fabrication, why pursue the presidency as this fictitious man? Why not run as yourself?"

"After 40 years living as another person, Terry, it wasn't possible for me to be myself with anyone who didn't already know. I didn't have the strength to break out of the shell. The mania, some of it wasn't pretend. When you force feed yourself into a situation, the adrenaline starts to take over. And when it did, the part of me that was having fun with it, would push things further. Saying something more ludicrous than I did the day before. I never expected to win this thing. That's why my character said the election was rigged."

"You could only lose if it was rigged, is what I believe you said."

"Exactly. Donald J. Trump said that. And even that whole 'rigged' line was just something I stole from Bernie. I looked at him and saw the politician I wish I could have been, in another life maybe. So I took what I thought would work for the angry crowd I was pandering to, and morphed it to what suited the fake platform we were creating."

"We?"

"Me and Paul Manafort."

"Was Manafort aware of what you were doing? That it was an act?"

"No one in the campaign, or in my cabinet was aware. Only my brother and my real family knew before this. They all thought I was just crazy, which is what I wanted them to think. I really didn't think anyone would keep buying that it was real for so long."

 "There has been a lot of suffering caused by your presidency. Let me list off a few of them. Families separated from one another after the DACA repeal. Trans military members no longer being able to serve. Delayed aid to Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria. You've insulted gold star families, you said John McCain wasn't a war hero, you told a grieving mother of a fallen soldier that her son 'knew what he signed up for.' You said there were fine people marching with neo-Nazis in Charlottesville. You're administration has defunded Medicaid, the Affordable Care Act, the EPA, NASA, Pail Grants, and the list goes on. What do you have to say for your actions as president, that have had real negative consequences for Americans across the country, and for the countries across the world who have been affected negatively by your decisions?"

The president wipes his eyes. "Terry, there's nothing that I can say that could make this better. No apology that can set any of this right."

"What do you plan to do now?" Terry asks.

He laughs. "There's only one thing I can do." He takes a breath. "Go away. It goes without saying that the character, Donald J. Trump, is retired. The buildings with his name embroidered across the sides of them will be taken down. All the money that's been made through breaking the emoluments clause will be returned to the American people. The payments to the Trump kids will stop. It all has to be deconstructed. Every bit of it."

"So you're resigning then? As President of The United States?"

"Oh, Terry, I was never president. I just occupied space in the halls that Lincoln used to roam. Where he stood with the weight of the country on his shoulder I held the weight of my phone in my hands. I don't think you could call what I did anything more than extreme role playing, and I did it poorly. Or tremendously, depending on how we want to measure it. But it's inarguable that the results have been catastrophic. I only wish that I could have ended it sooner. I wish I had had the strength."

"I think we all do. Thank you for coming forward with this admission, Mr. President."

"Please, call me John."

"Thank you, John. It's been...enlightening."

"Thank you, Terry."

The Central Theme of Blade Runner 2049

So, I was watching Blade Runner 2049 last night for the first time at home. In the theater I was blown away by the visuals, and the overall success of recreating the world of Blade Runner while also enriching it. Last night, watching it at home, I was able to focus on more of smaller details. The thematic and character elements. And then while mulling over them today the central theme hit me. Blade Runner 2049 central theme isn’t what does it mean to be human. The theme is creating your own destiny.

The four heroes: K, Joi, Deckard, and Dr. Ana Stelline all have roles they were either created to play or have been told they are to play. K is a replicant created to hunt down other replicants. Joi is a hologram who was created to simply please her owner. Deckard states that after the first film, his role became to disappear, and be a stranger to his child and everyone else. The replicant resistance states that Dr. Ana Stelline’s role is to lead the replicant war against the humans one day. By the end of the film all four of these characters have either broken their role, or have shown the potential to do so. I’ll go over how so for each character below.

K breaks his role several times as he continues to grow throughout the film. He first does so when he lies to Madame, telling her he’s killed the “child” replicant. It could be argued that he’s only doing this out of a sense of survival, as he believes at this time he’s the “child.” It’s not until he meets the resistance, and he’s given a new mission (kill Deckard so the resistance’s secret stays safe) that he truly decides to create his own fate. The moment this happens is when he see’s the advertisement for Joi. The giant nude hologram bends down to speak to him, and it even refers to him as “Joe,” as his Joi did. It’s in this moment that we can see K deciding what he’s going to do. It’s never stated, but one interpretation here is that K rejects the idea that Joi wasn’t real, or that she is replaceable, because his Joi was unique, as she created her own destiny. Which is what K ultimately decides to do when he doesn’t kill Deckard, and instead brings Deckard to see his daughter.

Deckard has two roles that have been spelt out for him. The first one is a role he states to K when they speak in the bar. He tells K he had to disappear when they were being hunted, and that he had to remain a stranger to his child. When Deckard meets Wallace, Wallace states that perhaps Deckard was “designed” to fall in love with Rachel and have a child with her. This goes back to the question posed in the first Blade Runner film, which is, “Is Deckard a human or a replicant?” Either way, Deckard rejects this idea when he refuses to accept Wallace’s “gift” of a new Rachel, by lying about her eye color (the new Rachel’s eyes are the correct color, despite Deckard stating they should be green). The most dramatic turn for Deckard, is of course at the end. When he goes against his own stated purpose, to stay in hiding, and to never know his child, so that she’ll remain safe. By the end he stands in front of the glass prison his daughter lives in, and he presses his palm against it. We can see the emotion washing over his face as he sees his child for the first time 30 years after she was born.

Joi’s arch is a little more sticky, but I would still argue it is an arch of role defiance. Joi was created to please her owner. That’s her sole purpose. We can see this in K’s particular version of Joi when he comes home from work and she tries every way she can think of to cheer him up. She asks, “Do you want to read to me? Dance?” He then gives her a present. An enimantor, which allows her to travel anywhere the portable pen-size projector goes. K takes her to the roof, where it’s raining. She leans in to “kiss” him and tells him “I’m so happy when I’m with you.” K tells her she doesn’t have to say that. K isn’t dumb (well, mostly he isn’t). K knows Joi is a creation of Wallace, just like himself, and he doesn’t want her to lie to him. But is she lying here? The emotions she seems to be having while the rain falls through her translucent body seem to be real. Later in the film, Joi sacrifices her backup file to ensure K’s safety. This is something a person (or…machine) would do if they truly loved someone, right? Her last words before the enimantor is smashed, are “I love you!” as she runs for K’s arms.

It can of course be argued that all of these actions, despite how genuine they seem, are simply programing. But if the feelings are just as real to her as they would be otherwise, what is the difference? What makes them less real? No one would argue K is not capable of real human emotions, despite being grown in a lab. Joi represents the new question of what humanity is for the Blade Runner universe, and her death and reappearance as a floating nude advertisement serve as the driving catalyst for K in the final act.

Dr. Ana’s defiance can be assumed by the audience, but is left ambiguous as the film ends. Her role is stated by the resistance is to be their leader when the revolt against the humans finally happens. These are the same people who want her father dead. By the end of the film her father, Deckard, is staring at her through her glass bubble. We see her walking towards him, unsure who he is, but aware he’s no ordinary visitor.

There’s no way to know what Ana does after the film ends, but from what we know of her, she doesn’t appear to be a character who would be interested in leading an armed rebellion. She spends her days creating memories of birthday party , and staring at insects in lush woods. When K shows her his memory from her childhood, she’s brought to tears and it’s difficult for her to speak. It’s hard to imagine that when Deckard reveals who he is to her that they don’t have some sort of future together that the replicant resistance is not going to approve of.

Dick and Henry: Novella Cover Reveal

Here’s the cover for the new Dick and Henry novella I’ve finished. Just waiting on getting an edit back from my writing buddy, and from there I’ll carve out the final version. Here’s what you can expect the cover to look like when it hits Amazon. Pretty slick, right?

The Meaning of You

I read blogs and social media posts by people that question when they’re going to find themselves. Just when are they going to feel happy and complete. I feel like this is the wrong question.

People have been trained to believe that the meaning of life is to be happy. That’s not the meaning of life. The genetic meaning of life is to reproduce, as it is for every living creature on the planet. The emotional meaning of your life is something you have to figure out.

For me, being useful, and creating things gives my life meaning. I like creating things with my hands (doing handy work around the house, fixing broken things) and with my mind (creating stories I publish on Amazon). Those are things I do for me that I enjoy. I try and look at everything with a long lens too. Everyone is so focused on the immediate. If you’re not constantly thrilled in the moment, people of my generation seem to think they’re doing something wrong. You can’t think that way, or you’re destined for disappointment. Life is not a movie. It’s not filled with story beats that make you cheer. You have to decide what you want out of your life, and create a plan for that image. And it has to be a realistic image. If there are things you want that involve another person, you need to talk to that person and be open and honest. Here, I’m referring to romance. If you’re unhappy with things, talk to your significant other, and create a plan with them for change. Holding some fantasy in your mind that real life isn’t living up to does you no good. Talk to your significant other, and figure it out.

And you can apply that logic to everything in your life that you’re unhappy with. Now, I’m not assuming everyone reading this has something in their life they want to change (but really, if you didn’t, you probably wouldn’t be human), I’m writing this more for the people I’ve seen write blogs and social media posts about trying to “find themselves” or whatever else. I think you’re focusing on the wrong things if you think you’re doing life wrong.

If you have a goal, and you’ve created a plan to get to said goal, there is no wrong way to do life. If you’re finding you’re not getting to said goal, tweak your plan. Modify your benchmarks, and create realistic expectations that you can live with. If you reach your goal, create another one. Life’s too short to sit around wondering what to do with yourself.

And I think that’s it. The secret to life is that there is no secret. I think this obsession with trying to find your path is a waste of time. People don’t find their paths. They make them. Figure out what you want, create an executable plan, and when you reach that goal make a new one. Tackle things, and tackle them until you get results, and then keep going. Life will happen along the way, and you’ll keep yourself busy doing something you enjoy. And don’t compare your “path” to others. This is probably inevitable, but when you do it, don’t obsess over how the other person is doing it right and you’re doing it wrong. You’re doing it differently, but as long as you know what you want and how you’re going about getting to your goal, you have nothing to worry about.

That’s it. There’s my advice to people looking for their path or their meaning. Make it and then follow it. And then make it again.

This, again, is where that long lens comes in handy.

No Need to Jones

Hi, everyone.

I find it strange sometimes how strange I don’t find it that I’ve become that youngish-old person that 7 years ago I would have thought I’d “never be.” That person who puts pragmatism before passions, who puts responsibilities before dreams. But that’s just the reality of life, or at least of the life I’ve chosen.

I like being able to care for my family, buy groceries, etc. Doing those things cuts into my hobby time. Keeping up with my social life once a week cuts into my hobby time (Hobby time for me is writing, as it’s something I do for fun, and fortunately some of you out there enjoy it enough to read it and ask me for more). And I try to not let those facts bother me anymore.

Because, yeah, I have a lot of stories I’d like to tell. That I plan to tell (part three of Dick and Henry is about 10k written, and I have more of the story planned in my head; I have another dark fantasy I’m working on that’s 80k words in, and almost finished; and there’s a sci-fi epic I’ve written but need to edit this summer). But I can’t simply pump the breaks on life to make that happen at the pace I’d like it to. I have to push out the voices, the Twitter recommendations, that say that if you’re not writing and publishing AT LEAST TWO books a year, you’re a failure. Man, screw that. I’m a father. A husband. A teacher. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Well, then, they say, “you don’t have time to be a writer.” To be a writer, one simply needs to write. I do that. Just not at the pace some Monday Quarterbacks would like me (and everyone else) to.

So, you may be wondering, if I’m so confident in my George R.R. Martin writing pace, why am I bothering with this post (or better yet, why didn’t I skip the post and work on a novel?!), well, writing is a lonely endeavor. You sit around by yourself making stuff up. Having a community (whether real life, or digital) to talk to for advice makes it a little less depressing (self-doubt can get to you), and when all that advice is telling you everything you’re doing is wrong (as far as pace), it can be hard to keep things in perspective.

I think I’ve come to belief, that in just about everything in life, there is no “right way,” just different ways. I mean, I should probably clarify, there are definitely wrong ways to do certain things (publishing without editing would be an example of doing something wrong in writing), but I think it’s less clear on what the “right” ways are, as you can go about things in many ways and get similar, or at least equally agreeable, results.

So, yeah, I guess the whole point of this stream of conscious post was to let those interested in where I am as far as writing goes know that I’m still plugging along (and plan to until I die, or my fingers fall off), but also to keep myself straight, as far what my goals are. I want to finish the threads of the stories I’ve started (Dick and Henry, Sunborn, and my unpublished novels), but not at the sake of my personal life. That’s just not feasible, or in any way rational. That doesn’t seem like it should need to be stated, but I read posts by some people on Twitter verbally (or whatever the written equivalent is) punching themselves in the gut. You just can’t hold storytelling above all else. If you’re a 20 something without massive amounts of doubt floating over you, no wife or kids, then I guess maybe you can, but if you’re like most other people, you probably can’t. And that’s okay.

It’s okay to not be keeping up with independent publishing Joneses of Amazon. You do you, and say to hell with anything else.

I'm Still Here

Hello everyone. Long time no post. I thought I should catch you guys up with where I am in life, explain why I haven't hit my previous publishing projections I set for myself, and also reassure those of you looking for the next chapter in the Dick and Henry series and The Sunborn Saga that despite my slower production schedule, they are indeed in the works and will be published.

So, for starters, I have a new job. I spent the last year staying home with my daughter (she is now a year and two months), raising her, and now I've rejoined the work force again as special education teacher. I'm in a new district, serving new students with new needs, so there's been a lot of off-contract hours put into this, which takes away writing time. There's also a lot of time that I have to spend with my daughter and wife once I'm off work as well of course, and then there's that master's degree I'm currently working towards in SPED that is a requirement for me to complete to keep my new position. So, these things have put a bit of a damper on my writing time. But, that being said, they really have increased my passion for it, believe it or not. My brain is turning more now, and the excitement of creating a good story is burning as strong in me as it ever has.

That being said, I am currently working on a short story. I would say it's 2-3 nights from the first draft being completed. From there I'll mull it over some more until I feel it's good enough for my editing group to read, and after they look at it and get it back to me I'll do some more passes until the story feels complete. This is one of my mid-novel break stories I always do when I'm writing a novel. It's a dark fantasy story, something that would fit right in with my Skeletons collection.

That novel I'm currently working on is titled Little Noises. It's a dark fantasy more inline with Bad Dreams than Dick and Henry or Sunborn. I'm probably about 90% done with it, and it'll end up being 75,000 words or so (give or take).

Typically I give myself estimates on completion, and I usually lag behind those, so this time I'm not making any promises to myself or to you. I know what I have to put in for my job, my schoolwork, and my family, and there's no room in there to give. Which leaves me with about an hour or less a day to write. That being said, I'm looking ahead to school breaks (Christmas Break, Spring Break, Summer Break) and am already planning out how I'll squeeze in maximum writing and editing time so I can get as many novels edited and published as possible (I still have some I'm sitting on that just need revisions. These are novels that are not part of any of my series, sorry folks).

So, if you're a new reader or an old one, know that I'm aware I have series that are currently drifting in the wind, waiting for the next parts to be written and I do hear them calling for the next chapter. Also know that in my head those stories are brewing, and that I can't wait for the day to come where I pour the words out, edit those words into submission, and then hit that publish button.

Another thing before I go, I'm looking at this as a long game. I have many stories I want to tell. Both in my current Dick and Henry and Sunborn series, and other original novels and short stories. I plan to write all of them, no matter how long that may take. Nothing bothers me more than a story not finished, so there's no need to worry about that. But the way I'm looking at it is that I know over time I will get more efficient at planning for my new classroom, I will finish up my classes in a year, and I will get back some of my lost time, freeing me up for more writing. I also have my school breaks built into the calendar. So I'm not worried about the fact that right now things are slower, because I know they'll speed up. I also know that I'm not quitting this, and that my whole life I've been a writer, and I will always continue to be that.

Thank all of you for following me and my crazy characters. I hope to continue to bring more of them to life for years to come.

Punching Down

Something's been bothering me lately. It's this "over liberalism" I've been experiencing on Facebook and Twitter. By that I mean this somewhat popular idea that you take a liberal position, and take it to so far to an extreme that it no longer makes sense. The one I'm thinking of specifically that I've seen a lot lately—because of bad actors who happen to be female in the Trump administration (Ivanka, Melania, Sarah Huckabee Sanders) have been in the news a lot lately—is the idea that women have been systematically abused by society, therefore we shouldn't criticize them. The first part of the statement is true, the second part is an extreme position that makes no sense, and actually does the opposite of what the believers of this idea intend it to do. Liberals (even extreme ones) believe women should be treated equally. Holding them all up to some idealized pedestal where we can't criticize them is not treating them equally. This position is actually how we got the systematic problems we have now. People used to believe women were too beautiful (which meant delicate. Flowers are beautiful, they're soft and easily destroyed, etc.) to be in the work force, too innocent to be bothered with seeking a life outside of the home. We're past a lot of these ideas now, going back to them is not helpful.

When someone cuts me off on the highway, I yell at them the same way regardless of sex. My go-tos are usually "asshole," "dickhead," maybe "motherfucker" if I'm really upset. I tend to take this style of criticism (equal across sex and race) and apply it to everything in life. It doesn't matter to me if you're a man or a women, when you do something shitty that affects other people, especially in mass, it needs to be called out.

Above, I wrote: Liberals (even extreme ones) believe women should be treated equally. Something in my own sentence I just wrote bothers me. It's the parenthesis, Liberals (even extreme ones). I honestly don't think there's such a thing as an extreme liberal. Either you're a liberal or your not. If you have a policy idea that doesn't make sense, that's not liberalism, that's nonsense, and nonsense isn't a platform. And really, anymore I don't even like the idea of political labels. Yes, I think most of the platform ideas of "liberals" make sense, but so do some from libertarians, and probably some from conservatives. Overall, I don't like the candidates put forth by either of those parties (the libertarians or the Republicans), but there's common ground that can be and should be found to get shit done.

But, I digress, let me get back to my main point. The bad actors in the Trump administration (when examined it appears to be literally all of them) are objectively terrible people, and regardless of their sex it's okay, and in fact should be the duty of every American citizen, to say so. You can phrase it as their policies are bad and you don't know how they are as a person all you want, I suppose. It's still a free country, but when you knowingly do the evil things this administration does, there's no argument for morality in your personal life when this is what you do with your public one.

Where We Are

So summer's here. As a teacher (and stay at home parent...I'm currently both 🤷) that's always nice. The last three years we've always moved (to another state) when summer came around, so it's nice to finally be able to basically enjoy this one. Well, mostly. Both Miranda and I will still be taking summer classes to get fully certified up here in Kansas, and we're hoping to buy our first home and move into it, but, other than that, we're basically lounging, doing what teachers are supposed to do during summer once they're seasoned (of course we'll be looking-up strategies, curriculum, and re-designing our classrooms throughout the summer, so 🤷).

With all that said I still plan to get my post-apocalyptic sci-fi novel, MOON, out this summer. I've got it in my head what I want to do with it in the rewrite, and I'm ready to steamroll through it once I feel like I can. Typically I finish my works in progress (currently 50k into another novel titled Little NoisesI) before I move onto another, but writing has been slow going for me lately. There's been a lack of motivation for various reasons, and now I'm trying to decide if I want to finish Little Noises first, pushing my self hard to complete it quickly while maintaining quality, or do I want to push pause on it and instead focus on getting MOON rewritten and then rewritten again, and then edited, and then published.

That sounds like a lot, but when I'm rewriting/editing, I'm flying. I work tirelessly on whatever book I'm rewriting for hours every single day until it's done. And then when it's done I read it on my Kindle for another two–three days, writing down all the typos I catch, phrases that need changed, etc., and then if I make major changes I load it back up into my Kindle and I do it again. So, yeah, I'm vary thorough now when it comes to editing (and this is after I've already had the first draft edited, which I then use during my rewrite to get all the problem areas fixed as well as the original typos).

I think I'm currently going to keep working on Little Noises, trying to hammer out as much as possible this next week, and then decide the following week if I want to hit the pause button and jump head on into rewriting, editing, and then publishing my next novel. It's a tough decision, because I really love editing and rewriting. It gives you a clear structure that you don't necessarily have when you're writing the first draft. You have a goal that's easier to measure (take this work that already exists and make it good instead of just 🤷) and it's easy to create a workflow that doesn't feel grinding, but rather inspiring. When you're writing the first draft there are major highs and lows. Sometimes you think the writing is going amazing, other times you think it's complete shit. But unfortunately you have to finish it, regardless of how you're feeling, or how good or bad the actual writing really is (your feelings are not the best measure of this. Your eyes days later when your emotions are separated from the words are).

The Stories in My Head and On My Hard Drive

So the Bad Dreams audiobook is almost done. We're probably hours away from it being up on Amazon for all you audiophiles out there. But, that being so, my mind is locked on all the projects I have in the wings. (Also, I should mention I have a new short story out as well, it's titled Wayfinder) I'm currently writing a new novel I'm calling Little Noises. It's about time travel, memories, regret, and more. It's probably the most Stephen King-ish thing I've written as a novel, but it's definitely more sci-fi than anything he's written and it's definitely written in my usual breezy style (sometimes I buck my own convictions, and intentionally write differently. As I did with some shorts in Skeletons and in the first Sunborn novel).

I've also got a novel I've been sitting on called MOON, which needs a pretty big re-write. My writing group has edited it, and I just need to go through each chapter, re-write it, and clean it up several times. Moon is a sort of farcical post-apocalyptic story with heavy sci-fi elements as well (I like to genre blend. Bad Dreams is another example. I combined horror and fantasy in that one). It's about personal promises, and the loneliness and desperation one feels when living alone for far too long.

Further down the line is a two part novel I have called Breachers. It needs an even bigger re-write than MOON, and is one I've been sitting on since Colorado. It was inspired by my first year as a special education teacher. Seeing kids deathly afraid of the state test, and the way teachers and principals talked about the test, made me imagine a world where kids who couldn't pass it couldn't live. So, this dystopian novel was born, and it stars a teacher with a conscience, and a band of kids who've been sentenced to death.

I also have the first chapter of a new Dick and Henry story written and a plan for a new series within the series. Basically I want to write a series of novelettes that will be connected into a larger work. So, it will basically be like the first D&H book, A Space Saga,  only much longer. The first story in this novelette series is about a kidnapping that takes place at a wedding. I want to expand on Dick's character in this series, exploring how a man feels after coming home from a long journey in space. I also want to explore his questioning of his humanity, his friendship with Henry, as well as delve into his sudden fatherhood and marriage to a women who was once a criminal he detained.

So, that's where I am right now. There's always more stories cooking upstairs too, which makes it even harder to finish current projects on time. Makes me feel like this Tweet by Hugh Howey:

And The Book Is...

Ta-da! The first book from my catalog to become an audio book will be Bad Dreams! Just look at that new beautiful cover art by the talented Ben Adams (you can find his artwork on dozens of popular book covers, including inside the paperback edition of best-selling author Hugh Howey's book, Beacon 23).

So, we have new art, and also, a new voice. To find that voice I went through Amazon's ACX, which is essentially the KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) of audiobooks. Or really, more like a Fiverr website that's strictly for audiobooks. Once I had this new slick artwork for Bad Dreams I uploaded my prepared script (I picked scenes that highlighted the tone and the main characters arcs) and hit the submit button. After that the auditions rolled in. I did some reading on this process, as it's a big decision and a lot of work and cost, and was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to afford a high quality narrator. I had my project listed in the $100-$200 PFH section, and from what I read you needed to be in the $200-$400 PFH section to get the professionals (I've waited this long to make any of my novels into audiobooks, so having something sloppy that will have to be replaced later didn't appeal to me).

Needless to say I considered canceling the whole thing. I wrote the blog post in my head, telling you, dear readers, that I wasn't going to be able to bring the story to your ears just yet, but hopefully one day. But then a day or so went by and I decided to look through the auditions despite what I had read. I clicked on some profiles, and saw that indeed most of the auditions were from people who had never produced an audiobook. But then I saw something that caught my eye. It was a yellow checkmark next to the name of a narrator, and I knew this meant something important, because Twitter and Facebook have taught me well. So, I clicked on Steve Carlson's audition, and I was blown away by the world he created with the words I had written. It was the kind of thing that makes you feel like you're not half-bad at what you do. So, after that I talked with my wife, I listened to all the other auditions (some were not good at all, others were not the right fit) and in the end I decided to go with Carlson.

Carlson's a professional. He's an author, TV and film star, and more recently the narrator of over 60 audiobooks. You can check out his resume here if you'd like more details (check out that Bruce Campbell flick!)

Now, as far as release date, I would say this will probably be out on the world of Amazon in a month or two. But, if you don't think you can wait that long you could always get yourself a copy of the paperback or ebook with that new awesome art! Click here if your heart desires.

An Audiobook

Well, it's been a while since I've commented here. My last post was in November where I laid out my projections for future publications. I'm behind them by a month or so. Little Noises is 40 thousand words in (hoping for 65-70), and Moon is still waiting to be edited. I have the beginning of a future Dick and Henry story written (and the plot for more of it in my mind), but it's sitting and waiting for me to finish the projects in front of it. 

A lot of the reason I'm running behind (aside from the short stories that pop up demanding to be written...you'll see some of those in the near future on Amazon) is just bad time management on my part. I'm still adjusting to being a father, a friend, and a husband while also still working on my writing. It's a struggle, but one I can overcome if I buckle down and adhere to the schedule.

Well, enough of the "bad news." Let's talk about the fun project I have in the works that requires very little time from me creatively (meaning you will see this project sooner than any other on my list). I've currently commissioned a new cover for one of my earlier novels with plans to turn this book into an audiobook! 

The process for this is relatively easy using Amazon's audible service. I create a script for potential narrators, describe the characters, plot, and what I'm looking for, and then I post it and sort through the submissions until I've found someone who clicks with the project. I'm looking forward to collaborating with someone to bring one of my stories to life in a new way and bring it to a wider audience. 

Oh. I haven't told you what book it is yet. Should I tell you? Hmm...maybe I'll wait until I have the cover and reveal it then. 

Yeah. I think you'll have to wait. Should have something to share this coming week.

Current Projects & 2017-2018 Projections

So, it's been a little bit since I've wrote a post on where I am in my conveyer belt of work (I've written before about my process as a conveyor. I write, wait for my writing buddies to edit, then finish what I'm writing, give it to my writing buddies, and then edit what they've finally finished editing), so I thought I'd do that with this post today. Okay, so currently I'm working on a project I'm calling "Little Noises," it's at 30,000 words, and I'm projecting it to end up at about sixty-something-thousand. It's a bit of a genre blend, it has sci-fi elements, fantasy, and probably more horror elements than anything else I've written before (I had no real genre intentions when I started writing it—I often don't—but it just kind of became what it is, and I think that's a good thing). It feels like very strong writing, I don't think I'll have to give it a major overhaul when I'm done (I'll do my usual editing, but I feel like I won't have to scrap a lot and write whole new chapters like I've done with other works). 

Once I finish with my first draft of "Little Noises" I'll start editing the previous novel I finished, "Moon." The cover is ready for that one, and my writing buddies have finished editing it, so I just need to sit down and hammer out the final version. 

After I finish with "Moon," then I'll probably work on my next Dick and Henry story. There's been a recent up tick in the sales of The Temporary Detective, which has really inspired me to work faster on that series. I have one story I've started that's still in the beginning, but I have others in my head that I want to commit to paper as well. It's taking some self-control to not jump into writing a new Dick and Henry story right now, as I have too many open projects that I need to finish before I commit to something else. I might write a Dick and Henry short story on the side (and the hope, if I do do that, would be to eventually write enough Dick and Henry short stories to make a new short story collection, only this one would be much longer than The Space Saga). 

So, as of now, I'm projecting I'll finish "Little Noises" by Christmas or early January, and then work on "Moon" after that and get it out by February. And then I'll start work on a new Dick and Henry story (hopefully I'll get some Dick and Henry short stories out too, as those can be published much faster), finish it within three months (so around May) and then have the new Dick and Henry novel (or novella) out by Summer of 2018. These are projections, so they're subject to change, but I will try to stick to these as solidly as I can, as it gives me reason to stick with my writing regiment and helps push me harder.

Prime Surprise Sweets

So, I did it. I bought the button and I pressed it. If you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, let me explain.

Amazon has a new program they're calling Prime Surprise Sweets. So, what it is a box of random treats put in a box and shipped to you. You order them, you don't know what they are, but you're excited anyways because they're a sweet surprise. Sound gimmicky? I haven't even gone over the biggest gimmicky part yet. To order this box of random treats, you first have to order the button to place your order. That's right, you'll have to order a physical button ($4.99 on Amazon) and then connect the button to your wi-fi at home to be able to order your surprise. The button is $4.99, the box is $18, but you get a "discount" of $4.99 off your first box (it's not a real discount as everything in the box only adds up to $13.01 when you check the prices in the invoice of your order).

So, despite the obvious gimmicky nature of this new Amazon program, I decided to give it a try. Mostly because I love sweets, but I also love Amazon, even when they do stupid stuff like this (making you pay for a separate button? Like the one-push-button on the site wasn't good enough to appeal to impulse buying?).

So, four days after pushing the button I got my first order, and in it I found four things. Sugar cookie chips, a chocolate whoopie pie, lemon infused shortbread, and strawberry mango gummy pandas. Everything you get in a Prime Surprise box is said to be made in "small batches" from "artisans across the country." The packages tote things like "organic" and other hippie buzzwords (don't get me started on the organic fad—or hippies). But, despite the pretentiousness of the program, the treats were all pretty good. My favorite was probably the cinnamon sugar cookie chips by HannahMax. The only problem was that because these are all expensive high quality treats, the serving size is kind of small (but, really all you need anyways), and relatively expensive. A Amazon search of any of the items in the box will confirm that you are indeed "getting a deal" by receiving them in the Surprise box, as everything I found in mine was only available in bulk from the sellers on Amazon for ridiculous prices (the Whoopie pies sell for $59.00 for a 12 pack).

Overall, I think I'll press it again, but only once a month or so as $18.00 boxes for what amounts to two evenings of dessert (you could stretch it out longer, but who has the will power for that?) is too steep for me.

I've added my unboxing video below of my first Surprise box.

Wait or Go?: How To Write a Story

When it comes to writing a novel, there are two schools of thought. One says you need to wait for inspiration before you start pounding away on the keyboard. This theory says that you'll just gargle out crap if you don't. The other says you need to gargle out crap, that you need to type away before you lose your nerve, and sort the mess out later. So, which one is it that we should follow as writers? Speaking for myself, I think it's a bit of both.

It's definitely possible to finish a novel that you're not really invested in. I've done that a few times (and only published one of them so far after many extensive edits), and later edited it over and over again until it was something I could be proud of putting my name on. It was a lot of work, but in the end I had a finished book of high quality. That being said, even books that you're writing that you absolutely love the premise of, you will get sick of writing at some point. You'll reach a section where you're not sure what should happen, or you are sure what should happen, but you don't want to have to write all the stuff that comes between your last scene and what you want to happen next. Those are instances where you'll have to enact the second method of pushing through, writing even if you don't feel like it, maybe even writing something that's not that great, knowing you'll come back and fix it later. This can be painful, but if you're writing to move the story, doing what feels right, you may not have as much work to do later as you think.

Now, there have definitely been times when the inspiration has been so strong in my stories that the books almost wrote themselves. As I stated above, this does not last in any work, you always reach a point where it gets bumpy, but some books for me (like Bad Dreams) did come easier throughout the whole process than others. One of my favorite memories of writing Bad Dreams is one that involved me waiting out my inner inspiration. I was probably 55,000-60,000 words into the book at this point, right at the end of it in terms of the story, and I knew I needed to nail the ending, but I just didn't know what that ending needed to be yet. So, I waited. thinking on it everyday, reading, talking to friends about my dilemma (I didn't share details, as I was afraid of spoiling the story) until I finally felt I was close to what I needed to do, and then I sat down and wrote it. I didn't have the full ending in my head, but I had an idea of how it should feel, and then I sat down and did the work, and it was an ending that I've received the most compliments on to this day. So, sometimes it pays to wait for your muse, as long as you're aware it may never come fully formed, and you may have to work with whatever she's willing to bring you (or "he." I hear Stephen King's muse is "a basement guy.")

In the end, no matter how you choose to fuel yourself for your writing (whether with inspiration or coffee) it will be you sitting behind the keys, pumping out words as fast and fluently as you can to build a world that didn't exist before you willed it. The choice is yours on how quickly you get there, and on how vivid that world is, but whatever you do, don't give up on that world.  A story abandoned is a sad thing. It's a bicycle without a chain. A balloon without air. Push through, or take a pause and think about your story as long as it takes until you know (or at least "feel") where your story needs to go. You owe the story (and yourself) that.

New Dick and Henry Story

I've started a new Dick and Henry story, I'm about 6,000 words in, and I think it's coming along pretty well. I'm hitting pause on it while I work on some other stories, and it feels right to me. As much as I want to continue the Dick and Henry series, and as much as I have planned, it is hard to feel as passionate about these projects as I do some of my others. I think the issue is one both of limitation and one of difficulty. For me, there are limitations when writing in a series. There has to be an arc for the characters to reach within any story, or there is no point to the story. It will feel hollow if the characters don't grow. When dealing with a series, one which each novel is self contained, it's difficult to make that growth meaningful each time (and also realistic). I almost feel like I have to hold back on where I'd like to take Dick emotionally, for fear of going too far and having nothing left to say in future stories. Perhaps this is something I need to map out, so I can see exactly where I want Dick to be, and see what his arcs should be in each book. I know story wise what I want the next and last book to be about, but I haven't really thought heavily on the themes, though they seem to come naturally when I stop and think about them (each mystery has an obvious theme that would work with the story, but I won't mention them here, as it would spoil the surprise). Now, that was me describing what I feel are for me, the limitations of writing in a series, now I'll talk about the difficulty of writing in the Dick and Henry universe. I am primarily a sci-fi and fantasy writer. I don't write epic fantasy (the stuff with elves and dragons), but typically dark fantasy (Stephen King, mostly without the horror). You can get examples of this in the descriptions both my novels Bad Dreams and Lady Luck. Dick and Henry is definitely science fiction, but it's different then some of my other science fiction. Sunborn, is scifi, and so are many of the stories in Skeletons, but both Sunborn and Skeletons have aspects of dark fantasy. They both have gritty realism peppered around the sci-fi bits that ground it into something we could imagine our world turning into. Dick and Henry is different. It's primarily escapism, a throwback to the sci-fi stories of the 1950s, peppered with bits of social commentary and humanism themes. It's in these stories that I'm working my hardest to fit genre conventions to meet the expectations of my readers. I learned this the hard way, that readers will pick up a copy of a story expecting one thing, only to find themselves angry when they get another. I went back and edited the first collection of Dick and Henry stories, cutting out the heavy swearing. In the sequel I made sure to write the first draft without heavy cursing, and played up the sense of adventure and fun.

Now, despite Dick and Henry being some of the hardest fiction for me to write, it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it, just that it takes me longer to do it, and I feel less inclined to take wild chances (chances that sometimes pay off, as in the twists people loved in Bad Dreams). 

I plan to finish the new Dick and Henry story I have in the pipe in time, but right now I'm taking a break from it and working on (you guessed it) a dark fantasy story about a guy who works for a memory altering company who decides to use the technology on himself. 

I have some interesting plans for Henry's character after the Dick and Henry series comes to a close, but I won't reveal them until things have moved further along. Until then, you'll just have to wait.